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3.

I have felt lonely since thirteen

not alone

or sad

but a sense of missing

at that party on White St.

every family get together

any night out

there is an echo

calling back to me

brick by brick it was built

with one pane of glass to peer out of

or into

reflections obscure the play within 

the wall served a purpose once

a young boy bare

a young man afraid

but the isolation became too much

I started cracking the mortar

taking bricks out

placing them to the side

seeing how the air feels

sometimes it’s comforting

sometimes it’s harsh

but I feel less alone

7/14/25

2.

I am 13 again

alone in this

staring at a taupe wall

listening to a man I can’t remember

explain why my brother will die

but I was surrounded

and filled with white noise

a deafening buzz

like the windows of a high-rise

dotting a night sky

we are all next to each other

touch is offered, available

but I am a lifetime away

I don’t remember crying that night

until saying goodbye

and today I trigger myself to find release

13 again, scared, but

I am surrounded 

and welcomed to

let go

2/08/25

1.

I was yelled at by my father again last night

I am 44 years old

We both wanted something and were not receiving it

He wanted to be listened to

I wanted an emotionally present father

I wanted to be somewhere else

With someone else

Drinking wine in a park perhaps

72 degrees and sunny

He told me I was being stupid

It is partly the dementia, but also partly who he is

The dementia just makes him say the quiet part out loud

I have talked about feeling stupid in therapy

more times than I can count

I realized what he wanted, and that I could provide it

I sat and listened, let him finish all the chaotic sentences

He apologized later, by telling me what I did wrong

He cannot see to change who he is, and

That is “ok” now

I can be somewhere else today

Drinking wine in a park

The sun broken up by clouds

With someone else

1/19/25